Parts down south (and my love for The Onion)

March 30, 2009 § 4 Comments

hoo-ha-doctor-chart-rVia Feministe, a hilarious article from The Onion: Renowned Hoo-Ha Doctor Wins Nobel Prize for Medical Advancements Down There.

Accompanying the Nobel Prize is a $1.4 million grant that, according to medical experts, can buy Lazoff a lot of those metal spreader thingies. But the talented physician told reporters she is not interested in monetary reward, and only hopes to educate at-risk women about their own vag—genit—about their health.

“We should be encouraging an open dialogue with our young women, one that isn’t constrained by some outdated facade of 1950s morality,” Lazoff said to a crowd of people looking down at their shoes. “I cannot say this clearly enough: Ladies, please, make an appointment to get your annual [looksie-doo], especially if you are [seeing a fella] or have experienced pain or sensitivity in your [‘Hello, my baby! Hello, my darling! Hello, my ragtime gal!’].”

Added Lazoff, “It is time for this country to begin having a frank discussion about the [sound of loud, extended train whistle].”

This would be even funnier if it weren’t so damn true. In my tenth grade health class, my teacher habitually stuttered when talking about anything remotely related to “the vagina.” And god forbid any mention of the c-word! No, not cunt – I’m talking about the clitoris. Maybe I’m being too harsh, though. After all, the class was taught from a textbook that devoted an entire chapter to fetal health and development, but couldn’t even put “condom” in the index. That’s the state of sex education in New York City.

It’s not the first time anyone’s said this, but the whole issue of being hush-hush about lady parts is particularly frustrating because we hear about man bits ALL THE TIME. Penises are referenced in movies and ads constantly – though curiously, we almost never see them (remember the scandalous scene from the Sex and the City movie where Samantha caught a tiny glimpse of that guy’s penis? This from a show that features breasts, butt, and the unmentionables in nearly every episode!)

Say it loud, say it proud: women have parts. Most of us have a vagina, clitoris, labia, cervix…the works. And we’re not afraid to talk about them.

§ 4 Responses to Parts down south (and my love for The Onion)

  • Will Santore says:

    wow now that you say that i mean idk, i think you might be right but in all fairness that so called teacher did a horrible job and wouldn’t mention the boys part as well, all i can remember is him mentioning how to check if we had cancer for boys at least but thats it i mean i think he even refereed to it as “it” . So yes i do agree that women’s parts are not as public or mentioned as much in pop culture (movies) but in the school situation i think niether of the various parts are mentioned for both boys and girls. So yeah stick that finger at health education and the education system that won’t teach us about our “own” bodies… (Note to Miranda) yeah again i feel nervous posting here for some reason

  • E.G. says:

    So. True. My classmates would get extraordinarily grossed out at any mention of sex/the female reproductive system/menstruation, and I went to a womens’ college.

    *headdesk*

  • kylaplum says:

    Hey Miranda and crew, you guys should really check out what the SSA at Beacon High School is doing. They hated the way their sex-ed classes were being taught (i.e. the classic phenomenon of teachers skipping any topics that would bring some red to their cheeks, GOD FORBID allowing anyone to tell personal stories), so they worked with the administration for a few weeks. This next school year the kids from the club will be teaching the students, peer-to-peer rather than silly institutionalized classes. They are amazing!

    • mirandanyc says:

      That’s awesome! Shira and I are actually working the people at our school to write a new curriculum for next year, and possibly even doing some tenth-grade lessons ourselves. Sweeeeeeeet.

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