sex eating education
July 29, 2009 § Leave a Comment
Not surprisingly, The Onion is still riotously hilarious: Study: Abstinence-Only Lunch Programs Ineffective At Combating Teen Obesity.
Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said the findings could adversely affect federal funding for all programs that tell kids “lunch is worth waiting for.”
“There’s no evidence to suggest that instructing teens not to chew, swallow, or even think about food is actually going to stop them from eating,” Sebelius told reporters. “Let’s face it: Kids are already eating. And not only during lunchtime. They’re eating after school, at the mall, in their parents’ basements. Pretending like it’s not happening isn’t going to make it go away.”
“After all, they’re teenagers,” Sebelius continued. “Eating is practically the only thing on their minds.”
…Perhaps more troubling, students who completed the abstinence-only program were reportedly unable to answer the simplest questions about their own digestive systems, and some as old as 17 still believed they could catch high blood pressure from their very first Snickers bar.
…”I’m never ever going to eat, because eating is wrong, and I’m worth more than a chicken sandwich with asparagus and rice pilaf,” Woodbridge seventh-grader Tracey Holmes said. “I heard Jennifer Hines eats all the time, like 50 times a day. I heard she eats all her ice cream upside-down, though, so she doesn’t get fat. That’s how it works.”
“It’s really hard, though,” Holmes added. “I get so hungry sometimes. Especially after hours and hours of unprotected sex.”