Dear Assholes:

February 25, 2009 § 15 Comments

Hello, good friend/acquaintance/classmate/stranger. I’m just writing to let you know that I am in fact aware that my breasts are big. Thanks.

I mean, I’ve only been living with them for years. But thank you, person/classmate-who-I-may-or-may-not-know-particularly-well-and-don’t-necessarily-feel-comfortable-with for informing me. Your comment about my chest really spurred meaningful and insightful conversation and didn’t embarrass or dehumanize me in the slightest. I feel incredibly respected.

No but seriously. Don’t tell me to, “put them away,” or notify me that you could probably swipe a credit card through my cleavage. I don’t want to hear it. If my bra is visible and you would like to enlighten me of that fact, that’s fine, but making a “hilarious” comment about my breasts because you somehow feel that it’s appropriate or because you “only want to give me a compliment” ISN’T charming. What it tells me is that you’re more interested in discussing cup size than anything I may have been able to add to our conversation.

And another thing, wearing a low-cut shirt doesn’t give you the right to comment either. I’m sorry if I’m showing cleavage, that must be really difficult for you, but I’m sure you can move your eyes about six inches to the north. It is NOT my fault that you think yourself incapable of doing the simple task of looking at my face. And NO, wearing a low-cut shirt does not mean I’m “asking for it,” no matter how many people may have told you so. Please desist.

This may seem harsh, but I have HAD IT with STRANGERS and even CLOSE FRIENDS of both genders thinking it’s entirely normal to say, “Wait, oh my God, but you have really big tits,” in the middle of a conversation. And I’m fucking sick of letting such inconsiderate assholery get to me.

With the most sincere “go fuck yourself” I can muster,


§ 15 Responses to Dear Assholes:

  • mirandanyc says:

    This is awesome.

    And, to be clear, I’m sorry if I’ve ever done this to you.

  • bigassalice says:

    you’re my favorite.
    and WORD UP.

  • Essie says:

    Amen! I don’t need anyone commenting on the size of my rear either! I know my size – thank you!

  • […] Pheebs’ awesome letter to inconsiderate oglers was posted on the front page of […]

  • Mike says:

    but are they really bit? pics!

  • Phoebe says:

    Point. Proven.
    Thank you very much, Mike.

  • gingerlady says:

    hey! new term: mike-hating feminist. it holds much more truth than man-hating feminist.

  • Tiffany says:

    I love it when stupid people have horrible typos. I’m pretty sure that none of our breasts are “really bit”, Mike. But thanks for playing. Idiot.

    Phoebe, you rock.

  • mzbitca says:

    I wanted to come over in and tell you how much I enjoyed your post and to let you know that the way you stood up to some of the posters are feministing was awesome. I think it’s easy for people to try to “intimidate” others on that site and you didn’t take their shit at all, which was awesome!

  • Marcus says:

    I think if every time a guy, or girl, or friend made inappropriate comments about your breasts you punched ’em right in the fucking teeth instead of writing a passive-aggressive blogpost, you wouldn’t have this problem.

    Don’t be such a victim.

  • Brenda says:

    Sounds like a tempest in a D-cup to me.

    Ignore the jerks, scold your friends – gently the first time, less so the next – at the time they comment.

    You do have some choice here. If you are wearing something low-cut, you are knowingly taking a risk in a society that has hypersexualized breasts to the point of parody and made ogling a competitive sport.

  • Phoebe says:

    Tiffany: I know, me too. Thank you. 🙂

    mczbita: Thanks so much! I was worried it was maybe a little too confrontational – I was in such a rant-y mood, haha.

    Marcus: I can’t tell if you’re joking or not, but trust me, I don’t play the victim very often, I try as much as possible to call people on this shit. And while I would love to punch everyone in the face that did this, that doesn’t seem too practical.

    Brenda: I think a lot of people got the idea from this post somehow that I wear low-cut shirts every day. I don’t. Not even every week. And wearing sweatshirts still gets unwarranted comments. If I choose to wear a low-cut shirt for a day (because the outfit makes ME feel good), I think I should still have the right to not receive inappropriate comments.

  • Steph89 says:

    Hey Marcus, getting yourself arrested = fabulous advice!
    Brenda, firstly, low-cut tops actually reduce the appearance of breast size, and what if it’s summer? Sweating in that area is not cool! Maybe don’t blame the victim.
    Rock on Phoebe, I just stated reading this blog and I love it!

  • […] pissed off head: a) the whole objectifying women thing. Just a reminder: we don’t like being defined by our breasts, or any body part for that matter. And b) that said body parts are fucking for sale. In an arcade […]

  • […] the link): “The clinic’s exclusionary logic is so opposite what feminism is to me; it reduces women to our body parts and discards our identity & […]

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