Parts down south (and my love for The Onion)
March 30, 2009 § 4 Comments
Via Feministe, a hilarious article from The Onion: Renowned Hoo-Ha Doctor Wins Nobel Prize for Medical Advancements Down There.
Accompanying the Nobel Prize is a $1.4 million grant that, according to medical experts, can buy Lazoff a lot of those metal spreader thingies. But the talented physician told reporters she is not interested in monetary reward, and only hopes to educate at-risk women about their own vag—genit—about their health.
“We should be encouraging an open dialogue with our young women, one that isn’t constrained by some outdated facade of 1950s morality,” Lazoff said to a crowd of people looking down at their shoes. “I cannot say this clearly enough: Ladies, please, make an appointment to get your annual [looksie-doo], especially if you are [seeing a fella] or have experienced pain or sensitivity in your [‘Hello, my baby! Hello, my darling! Hello, my ragtime gal!’].”
Added Lazoff, “It is time for this country to begin having a frank discussion about the [sound of loud, extended train whistle].”
This would be even funnier if it weren’t so damn true. In my tenth grade health class, my teacher habitually stuttered when talking about anything remotely related to “the vagina.” And god forbid any mention of the c-word! No, not cunt – I’m talking about the clitoris. Maybe I’m being too harsh, though. After all, the class was taught from a textbook that devoted an entire chapter to fetal health and development, but couldn’t even put “condom” in the index. That’s the state of sex education in New York City.
It’s not the first time anyone’s said this, but the whole issue of being hush-hush about lady parts is particularly frustrating because we hear about man bits ALL THE TIME. Penises are referenced in movies and ads constantly – though curiously, we almost never see them (remember the scandalous scene from the Sex and the City movie where Samantha caught a tiny glimpse of that guy’s penis? This from a show that features breasts, butt, and the unmentionables in nearly every episode!)
Say it loud, say it proud: women have parts. Most of us have a vagina, clitoris, labia, cervix…the works. And we’re not afraid to talk about them.